Sunday, November 27, 2005

A Post about Mess

my world is a mess, and i can't clean it all up.

i've asked the higher powers for some help.

it has been a long time since i've wanted this much help.

but i could sure use some.

tomorrow, well see what comes.

for now? im going to sleep until its tomorrow.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

A Post about Good Days

There isn't necessarily a need to talk about your good days. They are just good. Today was a good day.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A Post About Tomorrow

I'm going to spend my entire day practicing and studying. Tomorrow I'm going to be an island. No away messages, no checking my mail, no myspace. Just studying. I need a break from being part of the world. I think I just need to live in my own private musical academic world.

Thats what I wanted to say.

A Post about Friends

A big part of the reason I am the way I am is because of the people who I am closest with. They make me braver than I've ever been before and are always there to comfort me when I let insanity or depression or my basic inseceurities take over. I feel lucky to have the people in my life. They are tremendous. Last night I surprised Jim and visited him and he, single-handedly, put me in that place of being okay with whatever happens regarding my current state at CSUN. After just two hours of hanging out! He's awesome. And a bro.

And today I thought it was funny because Molly told me that people at PCC think were going out. Thats fun for me because people think I'm going out with a pretty girl, and when it comes to pretty girl, Molly's the prettiest. She makes me feel lucky because she loves me so much. She voluntarily holds my hand and lets me keep her warm sometimes. I don't want people to think I'm moving up on Molly and that I'm disrepectful of her relationship with Justin (especially since because of some events that happened last summer, I feel like one of the few guy friends of Molly that actually is respectful!) but it is nice that I can express how I honestly feel about her and when I asked her if I should stop she basically said "fuck that shit". I guess it makes sense. I don't want her to not honestly express how she feels about me. Especially since she loves me and shit. Its nice.

That's all I have to say about that. I just wanted to record how lucky I feel that I have these people in my life. I'm not sure how next semester is going to pan out, but when uncertainty struck my world hardcore, Jim and Molly did some unbelievable damage control without even attempting to do so.

I'm lucky.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Post about Babies

Some car rides expect day dreaming. And today I day dreamed a lot about a future pregnant wife. I'd love it if she spoke many languages but all that is important to me is that my baby's mama is the one I love. I hope I don't impregnate a chick I don't like. That would suck. Anyway, I was thinking of how much I already love my unborn child.

The first thing I would spend on my unborn child would be an iPod. I would buy him/her an iPod and fill it with music every culture available in mp3 format. Not just our western shit (classical, jazz, rock, pop, etc), although I plan on filling that thing with a representative survey of all that stuff, but also music from rich musical cultures like India and Africa and Cuba. My child will have been exposed to every piece of music I can possibly share with him/her in a 9 month span. I hope the woman I love is the woman I knock up and the woman who will sit with me for two hours each day as I place headphones on her belly and tell both her and my baby about the music. Hopefully she'd find it cute. Because whoever this woman is, I already love her. And this very moment, I'm positive that I will do anything for this unborn baby.

In the end of this day dreaming, I concluded that although I hope I meet someone who will let me put a headphone to her belly every day for nine months, I'm in no hurry. Part of the philosophy Jim and I founded is that at this point in our lives we'd both make shitty boyfriends. And we're absolutely right. So hopefully this girl doesn't come along anytime soon. I'm busy working on my skills. And as I'll be working on skills, I'm sure she'll come around and surprise me.

And somehow, after dating for awhile, I'll try to sneak in the question "How do you feel about headphones?"