Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Post about Soul

There is so much you can do for your soul. And only so much you can do for your body.

At this very second, my body is in pain. But I can honestly say that my soul is the exact opposite. And as I get older I like to think that I better understand what creates these results. To me, a body in pain and a spirit that's strong is something you are blessed with. So you don't ask questions and you don't wait for it to fade away. You just enjoy it.

If your even luckier though, your body will be as strong as your spirit. And I believe that is all very attainable. But for me, the black eyes and the bruises and the hangovers are souvenirs. The way I see it, your bumps and bruises are keepsakes that remind you how fucking awesome the night before was, how little you slept, how fast you were riding that skateboard down the hill, and most of all, how blessed you are to be alive to feel all this.

Now that this week is coming to a close, I have a lot of stuff to get done. A lot of hauling ass. A lot of painful and tedious work. But I now know for the rest of this arduous academic semester, that its going to be okay because even though my body will be recovering from the past seven days, my spirit will lead me through it, and probably even carry my body on its back. And with or without bags under my eyes and any hours of sleep, I will survive.

The love inside sustains me. Because I am blessed with something special. Ouch.

Friday, October 28, 2005

A Post about Trust

Somedays, I get frustrated and even sad by the fact that I feel like the friendships I have are all long distance.

Half of the week, I'm in Northridge...the other half, in Eagle Rock/Pasadena. And then there are my friends who I only see once a full moon because they are all a distance away from me. They are with me in spirit I'm sure, but the reality is that with all the people I feel lucky to know and call my friend, there just isn't a predictability I can expect when it comes to communication.

The people I feel most intimate with are people I've grown close to in the past two years. They have taught me a lifetime worth of lessons already and I don't know how to repay them, so I just smile and say the same words over and over again. I think every relationship goes through a process of developments and hopefully you can reach a point where noncommunication is not a pain in the ass but a blessing. My friend Jean Louise calls it a promise.

She likes the idea that we don't have to talk to each other for hours to understand each other. I like the idea too.

If you're lucky people like Jean will help you to realize this promise and keep it, in which eventually calling a friend and hearing that same goddamn voice message for the millionth time will no longer makes you cringe in frustration. And If you're extremely lucky, new personnel will enter your life and after going through a process of developments, will make similar promises to you.

God help you. I hope you can trust these promises. Because lack of communication takes a big leap of faith. A big big BIG leap of faith. But if the outgoing message of your new long distance friend still troubles you, there is something I learned today that you can do to help you along in the faith department.

And so as you call the number of that one outgoing message you'll now have heard for the millionth and one time, you can watch the smile enter your face as you say the same words over and over again.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

A Post about Pussy

If you have good people in your life, you are going to HAVE to put up with some shit. Simply because if they weren't good people, you wouldn't have a reason to put up with their shit. And if you are a good person, they have a reason to put up with yours. Some days you forget that, and you have to remind yourself that they care for you and will be there for you. And some other days you forget that, and you have to remind yourself that deep down you care about them and that they need you too. I think that's the basic rule on how good relationships work. You just have to remind yourself if its worth it.

And if it's not, then don't be a pussy, and leave.

And if it is, then don't be a pussy, and stay.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A Post To Start the Posts

I'd like to be a private person again. I think I'm capable of mystery. I'd like to start being patient and just let people come to me. So I've decided to start writing privately again. If I didn't type so fast and my hand writing wasn't so shitty...I'd do it in a notebook, but I think this way I can get all the thoughts in quickly and be able tor ead it one day if I chose to.

I'm not going to tell anybody about this thing, I just want an outlet that isn't public. I'm sick of being so open and sharing so much with people. I think I just need to vent but the world doesn't have to be involved. I'll continue to express myself through song writing, and share stories but I think I'll keep my inner most thoughts here. Whereas in other places, I'm trying to be clever, funny, or just trying to get approval...in this thing, I will just write. Not for anybody but myself.

I am optimistic about this.